Category Archives: Deciding: Why is it so hard?

Making a schedule

Making a new habit can be complicated for people. On one hand you know you’ll have to do the thing over and over, and depending on to whom you talk, for 7 or 30 or 60 days. But what if you don’t really know what habit you’re trying to get? What if you think it’s getting up on time, but really, its about getting to work on time. They might be related. But they’re not necessarily the same thing.

Sometimes the new habit really means you get out of doing the thing all together.
Check this out:

Margaret Rome is an extremely busy realtor friend of mine. We had some down time together over the last couple days (OK, Yep, she’s helping me look at a house) and, as it often does, conversation turned to marketing. She’s had a blog for about a year and posts faithfully every Sunday. “How do you do that, Margaret – be so consistent?”

“I hired a writer to do the actually writing and posting for me.”

While Margaret is away at a conference, she emails short ideas to Peg Silloway who gathers them up for future reference. When Margaret notices something in the news or at a conference, or she hears other realtors talking or even just has her own brilliant thought, she sends an email to Peg. Peg makes the blog post happen using something Margaret sent her. Peg can write like Margaret talks so no one’s the wiser.

How cool is that? Who do you know that can take over a part of your job that you don’t like.. or that just gets away from you?

But what if you choose to write your own post?

Here’s another interesting bit worth noticing. There’s a schedule. When Sunday rolls around Peg and Margaret know that there has to be something new. Funny thing about Sundays. They come every week! Tie the new habit – the blog post – to an existing habit – Sunday! Maybe that’s not the right thing to which you’ll tie your new habit. But days of the week are sure dependable. Maybe you’ll pick trash day. Oh, imagine what might pop up for you then? Do your kids have a half day on Monday? You could promise yourself you’ll always post on Mondays before they get home.

Here’s the secret. You just gotta DECIDE what to tie the new habit to.

What do you think would be the easiest habit for you to tie a new habit to?

Decision making in three steps: Part 3

In case you missed the other parts of this process:
In step 1, you assess the danger of a situation. If there’s blood, attend to that immediately. 911 is the standard call for help all over the US — so people know what to do in crisis.
Step 2 addresses the need for survival past flowing blood. Money allows you to buy what you need. So people who want to give you money should have a pretty high priority.
Step 3: Everything else is negotiable.

Maybe that’s what makes deciding hard. Because there are so many options, so many reasons for making one choice or another. It means you have to think about what you decide. Negotiate, evaluate the options and adjust — and readjust –the priorities. Do what must be done.
Rules just eliminate possibilities. Sometimes you need that. But don’t be too quick to presume that limited options make deciding easier. You could miss a really great choice. Or an opportunity to learn something new.

My father told me “NEVER mess with batteries. The stuff inside them is acid and can burn you.” So I didn’t. It was a rule and it made pretty good sense.

When my son was about 10 he and a friend decided to find out what really is inside batteries. They gathered all the 9 volt batteries they could find. (Sorry about your burglar alarm, folks.) They put them in the street and waited for cars to drive over them.

They learned that 9 volt batteries are made up of six little skinny batteries, all wrapped together. Cool? Huh?

If he’d followed the rule, even I wouldn’t know that.

I’m glad, however, that they didn’t get further, because there’s acid in there and you can get burned!

Experiment! What away to learn.

When does “the man” own you?

I said in my first bit about my prioirites for deciding: “The second step or priority I use for making decisions is this: People who want to give me money take priority over everything else.” But I’ve been thinking about that.

It’s important to decide how much of your life you’ll give over to people who want to give you money. I’m wondering if you’ve been on the road for a three days and you get home at 8 pm, should “the man who wants to give you money” expect that you’ll work another couple hours on a report about the trip?

At what point does “the man” own you? At what point do you get to say, “No.”

I think that it could be a different answer for everybody. The new hire may be more inclined to toe the corporate line, to learn the corporate culture. A man with 30 years experience may be in a different position.

But if you know your decision about “the man,” and you know why you chose to construct it in that specific way, I’m thinking it will be harder to be taken advantage of without your consent.

Decision Making in three steps: Part 2

Priorities don’t have to be complicated.

Here’s a reminder of my number one priority… always: If there is blood, you must attend to it. Immediately. By the way, that doesn’t mean you have to get inappropriately “big.” It means attend to the problem. If a child fell off the swing and knocked a tooth loose, push it back in, apply ice, and call the dentist.

The second step or priority I use for making decisions is this: People who want to give me money take priority over everything else.

When my clients, or prospective clients, call nothing else matters. Except, remember, when step one applies. One could say that’s terribly mercenary of me. But, in fact, if you have a job, you go to work every day. You have to. If you don’t, the man won’t pay you. You could choose to take a day off. But you can’t do it randomly. You ask permission. You plan.

If something comes up, like blood, it’s an emergency. You call in, if you can. People bleeding are, or should be (in my opinion), more important than work.

But when the emergency is handled, you go back to work. After you take that kid with the loose tooth to the dentist, you go back to work.

People who want to give you money are the top priority.

Decision Making in Three Steps: Part 1

“All literature on ‘effective decision making’ can be reduced to: Look before you cross the street. The academic solution is sufficiently broad to analyze everything, and thus nothing.” So says Dale A. Duten in Quitting: Knowing when to leave… a job, a marriage, or any other unhappy spot you’re in (1980, Beaver Books Ltd., Canada.) It’s a great little book, out of print, I believe but often available at Amazon as a used book. I particularly love the mathematical formula he devised for knowing when you might be successful at quitting. I’m not talking about making the right choice, but at least making a choice that you won’t revisit over and over.

But for the actual priorities of choice, I have just three simple rules. I’ll cover them in the next couple of posts.

First I always ask, “Is there blood?” I’m talking real-red-coming-out-of-your-arm blood? Not that you think there might be blood. Neither that you imagine really bad things will happen.. but real blood.

Real blood flow must be stopped immediately. This is a first aide kind of problem. And all other activities must wait until the blood is stopped.

This is a reactive position. If you’re in a planning phase the question is better asked: “Will any babies die?” I saw this in the newspaper once. OK, not exactly that phrase but I know the woman was misquoted. The reporter wrote something like: No serious harm would be caused to small children. I know she really said no babies will die if we do this.

Of course, if actual babies will die, the decision should be obvious. If it’s not, that’s a whole different problem, in my opinion.