Maryland laws on school bullying go into effect on July 1 as reported in the Baltimore Sun today.
Bullying must not be considered a normal plight of childhood … or any other part of life. It’s unfortunate that Maryland’s law seems to only be concerned if the “harassment and intimidation of students by other students on grounds such as race, religion, gender and sexual orientation.” It should not be acceptable under any conditions.

Parents rightly worry about children being bullied. And I’d guess that most often, it has nothing to do with those standard grounds. It’s just about some kid who thinks he has more power than other kids and feels compelled to prove it … daily. We search for ways to arm our harassed children with anything that might get them past the bullies in their lives. We really know that “Just ignore it” doesn’t work. “Make jokes,” “Tell a grown up,” or “Keep away from them” doesn’t work either.

Our children believe, and perhaps rightly so, that if the parents try to do anything it would be more ammunition for the bully’s attacks, which really are only about being more powerful than the humiliated kid. And by the very fact that he told, he proved that he is a dweeb who can’t manage his own problems. It’s interesting that we somehow make it the fault of the kid being bullied instead of an issue for the bully.

Psychiatrist Carol Watkins has an excellent series of articles on bullying on the website of the Northern County Psychiatric Associates. She suggests, in part, “teach [your child] to avoid being an easy target. Start with posture, voice and eye contact. These can communicate a lot about whether you are vulnerable.” Those things can work for adults who find themselves being bullied at work.

But consider also the problem of the bully.

Watkins also says that the bully is “more likely to surround himself with friends who condone and promote aggressive behavior. He may not develop a mature sense of justice.”

It seems to me that this very behavior is the one which the fraternities use in hazing rights and the military uses to “train” soldiers to follow orders. That all just seems pretty warped to me.

Here’s a coaching question for this issue:

If you are being bullied, what would it look like if that stopped? How would you know you had won?